source: www.babycenter.com
Can I train my baby to fall asleep without leaving him to cry?
Teaching your baby to soothe himself to sleep and sleep through the night doesn't have to mean letting him cry it out (CIO). If you don't like the idea of leaving your baby to cry alone — or you've tried CIO methods and they didn't work for you — you may want to consider a more gradual approach that involves fewer tears.
As with any method, what works for one child might not work for your baby. So figuring out an approach that's right for your family could take some trial and error. If you're not sure what to do, you can turn to the experts who have written books on the subject and draw on the wisdom of other parents. And before you start, you may want to read up on sleep training basics.
As with any method, what works for one child might not work for your baby. So figuring out an approach that's right for your family could take some trial and error. If you're not sure what to do, you can turn to the experts who have written books on the subject and draw on the wisdom of other parents. And before you start, you may want to read up on sleep training basics.
What's the theory and the controversy behind no-tears methods?
Generally speaking, those who favor a no-tears approach over CIO methods consider leaving a child alone and crying to be unnatural, unkind, and a betrayal of the trust your baby is developing in adults and the world around him. The idea is that bedtime offers an opportunity to connect with your child by developing quiet, cozy nighttime rituals and by quickly responding to your baby's requests for food and comfort.
Pediatrician and "attachment parenting" advocate William Sears devotes an entire chapter of The Baby Sleep Book to a critique of CIO approaches. Sears, along with no-tears advocates such as Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution), believes that CIO techniques can give your child negative associations with bedtime and sleep that could last a lifetime.
Sleep experts who support the CIO approach disagree. They say it isn't traumatic for babies to cry alone for short periods of time with frequent check-ins by Mom or Dad — and the end result is a well-rested, happier child. They say no-tears sleep strategies may cause babies to be overly dependent on comfort from a parent at bedtime, making it harder for them to learn to soothe themselves to sleep.
Pediatrician and "attachment parenting" advocate William Sears devotes an entire chapter of The Baby Sleep Book to a critique of CIO approaches. Sears, along with no-tears advocates such as Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution), believes that CIO techniques can give your child negative associations with bedtime and sleep that could last a lifetime.
Sleep experts who support the CIO approach disagree. They say it isn't traumatic for babies to cry alone for short periods of time with frequent check-ins by Mom or Dad — and the end result is a well-rested, happier child. They say no-tears sleep strategies may cause babies to be overly dependent on comfort from a parent at bedtime, making it harder for them to learn to soothe themselves to sleep.
What do the no-tears experts say?
A number of people who deal with sleep issues professionally have written books in favor of no-tears methods. Pediatrician William Sears, parent educator Elizabeth Pantley, and registered nurse Tracy Hogg are three of the most well known experts.
Here's a quick guide to those three. To learn more, look for their books or find out more about their methods online by following the links below.
Pediatrician William Sears and family: The Baby Sleep Book (Sears website)
The method
Sears emphasizes a nurturing, child-centered approach to sleep and warns parents to be wary of one-size-fits-all sleep training. He recommends patiently helping your baby learn to sleep in his own time. He encourages co-sleeping, rocking and nursing your baby to sleep, and other forms of physical closeness to create positive sleep associations now and healthy sleep habits down the road.
Parent educator Elizabeth Pantley: The No-Cry Sleep Solution (Pantley website)
The method
Pantley offers a gentle and gradual approach to all aspects of sleep, customized to your baby's needs. She recommends rocking and feeding your baby to the point of drowsiness before putting him down — and responding immediately if he cries. Parents are urged to keep sleep logs, nap logs, and night-waking logs. Pantley also describes a six-phase process for teaching a child to sleep in a crib.
Registered nurse Tracy Hogg: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (Hogg website)
The method
Hogg agrees with Sears that sleep associations should be positive but disagrees with his techniques. She cautions against letting your baby depend on "props" such as nursing, patting, and rocking to get to sleep. Instead, Hogg recommends that you go to your baby when he cries, picking him up and putting him back down as many times as necessary. She considers her techniques a middle ground between attachment parenting (such as Sears) and CIO techniques (such as the progressive waiting approach popularized by sleep specialist Richard Ferber).
Here's a quick guide to those three. To learn more, look for their books or find out more about their methods online by following the links below.
Pediatrician William Sears and family: The Baby Sleep Book (Sears website)
The method
Sears emphasizes a nurturing, child-centered approach to sleep and warns parents to be wary of one-size-fits-all sleep training. He recommends patiently helping your baby learn to sleep in his own time. He encourages co-sleeping, rocking and nursing your baby to sleep, and other forms of physical closeness to create positive sleep associations now and healthy sleep habits down the road.
Parent educator Elizabeth Pantley: The No-Cry Sleep Solution (Pantley website)
The method
Pantley offers a gentle and gradual approach to all aspects of sleep, customized to your baby's needs. She recommends rocking and feeding your baby to the point of drowsiness before putting him down — and responding immediately if he cries. Parents are urged to keep sleep logs, nap logs, and night-waking logs. Pantley also describes a six-phase process for teaching a child to sleep in a crib.
Registered nurse Tracy Hogg: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (Hogg website)
The method
Hogg agrees with Sears that sleep associations should be positive but disagrees with his techniques. She cautions against letting your baby depend on "props" such as nursing, patting, and rocking to get to sleep. Instead, Hogg recommends that you go to your baby when he cries, picking him up and putting him back down as many times as necessary. She considers her techniques a middle ground between attachment parenting (such as Sears) and CIO techniques (such as the progressive waiting approach popularized by sleep specialist Richard Ferber).
Practical tips for finding a no-tears solution
- Encourage your baby to get plenty to eat during the day. He'll learn that daytime is for eating and nights are for sleeping. And he'll be less likely to wake up hungry in the wee hours.
- Establish a regular nap schedule. A consistent sleep routine during the daytime helps regulate nighttime sleep.
- Put your baby to bed on the early side, such as 6:30 or 7. Don't fall into the trap of keeping your baby awake so he'll be more tired. An overtired baby may actually have a harder time getting to sleep. Some experts say babies who go to bed earlier sleep longer, too.
- Make changes slowly. If your baby's on a later schedule, don't suddenly move bedtime from, say, 9:30 to 7 o'clock. Make bedtime a little earlier each night until you reach the time that seems best for your baby.
- Find a soothing bedtime routine and stick to it. For example, a bath, then a book, then a lullaby, then bed, at the same time every night.
- Develop some "key sounds," as Pantley calls them, to signal to your child that it's time for sleep. A sound could be a simple "ssshhhh" or a softly spoken phrase like "It's sleepy time." Repeat the sound or phrase when you're soothing your child to sleep or back to sleep so he'll associate it with bedtime.
- Create a comfortable sleep environment that's tailored to your child. Some babies need more quiet and darkness than others. Recordings of soft music or nature sounds or the sound of a gurgling aquarium can be soothing. Make sure the sheets are cozy (warm them with a hot water bottle or a microwavable heating pad, for example, before laying your baby down) and that sleepwear doesn't chafe or bind. Younger babies may sleep better when swaddled. Don't overdress your child or overheat the room.
- Don't respond to every noise your child makes. Learn to distinguish a real cry from a sleepy whimper. If you're not sure, it's okay to wait for a minute outside the door so you won't disturb him if he's actually asleep.
Does "no cry" work?
We can't say it often enough: No single sleep strategy is effective with every baby — or even for one baby all the time. You'll have to get to know your child, be flexible, and figure out what works for you.
No-tears advocates admit that the approach can take a while — longer, in all likelihood, than CIO techniques — but they say that in the long run it's less traumatic for baby and parents alike.
Elizabeth Pantley writes that when it comes to sleep training, parents have a choice between time and tears: "The irrefutable truth is that we cannot change a comfortable, loving-to-sleep (but waking-up-all-night) history to a go-to-sleep-and-stay-asleep-on-your-own routine without one of two things: crying or time. Personally, I choose time."
No-cry strategies may work well for you. If they don't, you may want to try a cry-it-out method.
No-tears advocates admit that the approach can take a while — longer, in all likelihood, than CIO techniques — but they say that in the long run it's less traumatic for baby and parents alike.
Elizabeth Pantley writes that when it comes to sleep training, parents have a choice between time and tears: "The irrefutable truth is that we cannot change a comfortable, loving-to-sleep (but waking-up-all-night) history to a go-to-sleep-and-stay-asleep-on-your-own routine without one of two things: crying or time. Personally, I choose time."
No-cry strategies may work well for you. If they don't, you may want to try a cry-it-out method.